So? Did he or didn’t he?

He did not.

That’s right. I have not. I can’t believe it. Most days are bearable and I live my life. Some moments are hard. But they always pass.

It almost seems like it was too easy. But it wasn’t. I tried hundreds of times to go for a week without and I could not do it. The most I ever lasted was four days and never a sober weekend in 23 years. Then, suddenly, I stopped again. October 1, 2012. That time it worked. I found some blogs on my phone during my long commutes and they helped me make choices. Almost nine months later, I have compiled a list of triggers and excuses in my brain but at the end of the day, I’m starting to think that it always boiled down to choices that I made (or did not make).

Choices.

What happened after I stopped? I was anxious, sad, twitchy, bitchy, itchy, serious, remorseful of what I missed from the blurry past. I gradually became happy, confident, pensive, driven, outspoken and aware of my new purpose…to make up for lost time with my family. To make up for lost time with myself. For those of you that saw me read or comment on your blogs, thank you for what you do. Most of my free time is during my commute to work but it absolutely sucks to post on my or anyone else’s blog with a cell phone. So I made the choice to lay low and just read.
For any of you on your first day, week, month, I’ll try to post more so you can see that quitting is worth it. We don’t need to drink and forever is not that scary of a concept once you see that all aspects of your life become better. I’m not saying life is easy. It is not. But even when you have to deal with the worst shit imaginable, it’s still better to face the worst shit imaginable sober.

Peace.

I choose to click “publish.”

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6 thoughts on “So? Did he or didn’t he?

  1. Hey! Great that you pushed publish. Great also that you have come out of the silence to show yourself briefly.. although having said that it’s totally fine to lurk.. lurking online is free! And can be so great! But really (count the ‘greats’ in this comment) it’s so great that you are still sober. You are so right when you say even when you have to deal with the worst shit imaginable, it’s still better to face the worst shit imaginable sober.. so very right. Great stuff my friend xxx

    • …Plus you equals seven greats. Sending love. I really do appreciate you taking time to comment.

      Sent via DroidX2 on Verizon Wireless™

  2. Congrats on your nine months…and like Mrs D said…thanks for hitting publish. It’s a joy to hear from you again. I had checked in now and then but hadn’t seen anything…so it was a wonderful surprise to see you here. And fantastic shout out to those new to sobriety. What a message to pass on. Thank YOU for sharing this with everyone. I am very happy for you and to know that this had been bearing fruit for you. It’s amazing what we can accomplish once we put the bottle down. And keep it down.

    Blessings,
    Paul

  3. Wonderful to hear from you again! I have dropped by here a few times, looking for an update and some news… so this is amazing! Congrats on the 9 months!

    And I love what you wrote on my blog: ‘This is what we were meant to do (for those of us who are able to), get our shit together, go back out into the world and kick some ass. To play that song again, except this time to play it better and sober.’

    Kick ass, Jersey. Play the HELL out of that song 😉

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